Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Great Newspaper Headlines

I realize that the following has absolutely nothing to do with woodcarving but it does go along with a posting from last fall.  People, in this case newspaper editors, don't say what they think they are saying.  Check out these headlines...with my comments, of course!

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies - Do you add them before or after the vanilla?

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks - Yum!

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say - That would be my guess.

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant - That's one way to solve the problem.

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers - Better than hanging 'em!

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half - Talk about severe punishment.

Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case - Must have been a really big violin!

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms - A brain would be good, too.

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? - Oh, I hope not!

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope - To each his own.

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over - ibid.

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids - I've been tempted myself.

_________ Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead - You fill in the blank.

Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told - I concur.

Miners Refuse to Work After Death - I sure wouldn't do it.

Stolen Painting Found by Tree - I guess the tree got "board" just standing around.

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter- They didn't recognize each other?

War Dims Hope for Peace - That follows.

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While - That has been my experience.

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide - They've been watching CSI!

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge - You'd think he'd had enough.

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group - Serve more Pizza.  Problem solved.

Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead - Gives a whole new meaning to "RIP"

'Til next time...Keep makin' Chips and improvin' your sentence construction.