Friday, September 2, 2011

More Strange Newspaper Headlines with Comments

Woman Vanishes After She Drops Off Kids – Now, do you suppose it happened immediately or do you think she remained visible until sometime after the kids got into the school?

Feds: Man Made Child Porn - As opposed to natural child porn, I presume.

Autos killing 110 a Day; Let's Resolve to do Better – Heck, you’d think that we really tried we could at least double that number.

Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad she Hasn't Seen in Years – I don’t even have a come back for this one.

British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands – Islanders are delighted that they left cases of Maple Syrup, too.

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures – This headline certainly leaves me cold!

Dealers will Hear Car Talk at Noon – I wouldn’t mind hearing that myself.

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax – Normally, as I understand it, they just trample you.

Farmer Bill Dies in House – Friends will be received out on the front porch.

Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One – Oh, I hope she picked the one she didn’t like.

If Strike isn't Settled Quickly it May Last a While – That would follow.

Kicking Baby Considered To Be Healthy – I realize there are times we are all tempted, but is that really considered “healthy” behavior.

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids – Ibid.

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years – I guess the first time didn’t take.

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers – So, what ever you do, stay in the crosswalk.  You’ve been warned!

Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water – So, that’s why there were always so many starving children in China when I was a kid.

Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped – Ouch! That sounds painful!

Robber Holds Up Albert's Hosiery - With a good job like that you wouldn’t think he’d have to rob anybody.

Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency – I’ve heard that death tends to reduce most things that people do.

Rescue Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim – As if the dog wasn’t bad enough.

Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan - Those “Stiffs” are often hard to please.

Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung - That gives a whole new meaning to the idea of Frontier Justice.

Two Soviet Ships Collide - One Dies – Now does a ship get buried at sea?

William Kelly was Fed Secretary – That will teach her to get out of line!

I guess that is enough of that!

'Til next time...Keep makin' chips

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